New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
