My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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