On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
