ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
