Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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