i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are two peas in an std pod
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
