The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she told me i tasted like america
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
