I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
