We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
