I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
