Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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