he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
