I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
