I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
