i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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