My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
