I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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