I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
