No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
whose parrot is this?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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