I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
