Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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