I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's never too late to be topless.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
