I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
