i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
high people should be assigned attendants
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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