What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
