found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she peed on how many people?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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