my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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