well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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