I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
