I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
