im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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