i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
