Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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