did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Success! We fucked roommates!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
