Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
nutella sex= disaster
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
