but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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