she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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