clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
