New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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