The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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