New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ketchup is God's man juice
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
