my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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