The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
