I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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