I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
