Ambien. No doubt about it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
