In the future we'll all be gay
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
