there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
