umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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