I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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