Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
