oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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